Make It Stop

So now what?
Jim and I ask each other all the time - what are we supposed to do? We just don't care. We attend meetings at the Den for Grieving Kids, part of the Center for Hope. These meetings are family-based, so we all attend. There is a group meeting for everyone and we all split up for smaller group sessions - the kids go off to aged-based smaller groups and the parents attend death-related groups (the parents in our group of 7 or so have all lost a child, other groups I imagine are for adults who have lost a spouse, etc.). We do find some comfort in being with other people who are experiencing a similar loss. We hope that Addie is finding some comfort in being around other children her age who have had someone in their family die. It seems as though most of the other kids have had one of their parents pass and I don't know which is worse, a child without their mommy or daddy or a mommy or daddy without their child. All rotten stuff. We've had some other horrible tragedies happen around us, starting with our dear friends the Loura family. Mike Loura was in a bike accident and is paralyzed. We pray for him and his family everyday. Move on to Jennifer Tomasello, wonderful mother of 3 young children and wife (her oldest son Andrew was a classmate of JR's) who lost her cancer battle. I know she has joined my sweet boy and I am happy to think of his having a nice mommy up there with him, joining my great friend Martha's mom for some extra lovin'. Keep him safe, mommies. Another hugely significant event happened shortly after when I got an email that read Mikey Czech died. I never knew Mikey but had heard about him through a contact that my wonderful Uncle Ron had put me on to. At the time, almost exactly one year ago, Mikey's father had put out an APB looking for information on doctors for his 11 year old son who had just been diagnosed with a rare form of inoperable pontine glioma (brain stem cancer). I read the notice and quickly forwarded him JR's doctors at Sloan Kettering (whom he contacted). They ended up at NYU (with the other doctor that JR's surgeon had recommended) and joined a clinical trial that seemed very promising. I heard through the grapevine that he was doing well (a neighbor is great friends with a New Canaan family who are friendly with the Czechs). I was so surprised and deeply saddened when I heard that he died fairly suddenly in September but all due to freakin' cancer. We've had a lot of contact with this very special family and know for a FACT that JR has been there for Mikey and we often picture them running around together. I hope they feel our daily (hourly, OK, each minute) prayers and enjoy each other's company. It's all devastating. I can tell you one thing, however. Cancer never met such a grueling competitor as Mikey's father, If anyone on this planet will help children overcome this disease, it will be Mikey's unwavering parents. God bless that family. They have been a true source of inspiration to me.
Fast forward to Thanksgiving. Now any of you who are familiar with my previous blog entries or who were around us during all of the hospital stays and treatments know that the person who got right in there and got his hands the dirtiest was my Uncle Ron. A minister, hospice chaplain and cancer survivor. He knew Sloan Kettering like the back of his hand and knew just what we needed to do to help. He was with me for JR's first post-op meeting when Dr. Souweidane read me JR's pathology report (which meant nothing to me at the time but in retrospect was a death sentence), taking notes and asking questions that I didn't know to ask. He showed up out of the blue when JR had subsequent surgeries and hospital stays. He kept my family informed and knew when to intervene. He just did everything he could to stay in the loop and to make sure JR was being looked-after properly. All the while, his cancer had quietly returned and was robbing him of his future. He even went out on Addie's birthday (Oct. 1) and got her the best present (a fashion design studio, as it is called) all on his own and was so proud to give it to her (Thank you Uncle Ron). As fate would have it, Ron's cancer took over and he left us Thanksgiving evening. Like JR, he was surrounded by his family and passed peacefully. Could all this be happening? Please pray for Ron, my Aunt Gail and my cousins Chris and Mark and Chris's wife Andrea and their two (and a half) children, Kalle, Luke and baby due on Luke's 3rd birthday in June. What an amazing family they are and they have done so much for us and we feel so inadequate in our help for them. We miss you Uncle Ron.
One last tragedy (with a silver lining) that I must mention. Our neighbors and dear friends the Fitzsimmons had their very own brush with death when their son Jack was hit by a car while bike riding just before Christmas. Thankfully, his injuries will heal and he will recover but his leg was badly broken and his head did a job on the car's windshield but luckily the windshield was no match for Jack and we can rejoice in the fact that Jack will be okay. I remember not being able to breathe when I heard about Jack's accident but our prayers were (finally) answered and he was spared. I can't even begin to imagine the what if's.....
I'm sorry if this is all so depressing but I think once you're in the world of horrible things happening, it can snowball. I think Jack provided the block under the tire that kept the truck of doom from just crashing out of control. All we can do now is try to focus on how we can make some positive changes in this world. OK, so today is Barack Obama's inauguration and we'll hear a lot about all the change that is going to happen. Perhaps we'll see a few things change, but do you think we can rely on the US Government for change in ourselves? The only change I can forecast will come from each of us if we take a look at what has happened and figure out the best place to put our efforts. That is my short-term goal. To figure out where to use all this passion I have found in my quest to honor my son and to make sure that his life will stand for something grand. I have this jumbled mish-mash of ideas and I haven't fully streamlined how to make some of these ideas come to fruition. I sit with my Kimberly and she listens to my grand schemes. Thank God for her and her organized thinking (as I always compliment her) because somehow between the two of us, we will formulate a significant and lifelong goal. Once the goal is set, I will promise to deliver. Luckily, I won't have to limit my delivery to 4 years. Please honor JR's memory with me.